From the balcony...

The Mission at San Luis Obispo...

Saturday, we shopped until we dropped, then went out to dinner with the Beesons and Fishers. Sunday, we tried to shop, but everywhere we wanted to go was closed. (Note to L.A. retailers: if you put a sign in your door that says "Sunday 12-8" and it's 1pm, you should maybe think about opening.)

So we lounged about the hotel for a bit, then went over to the Hollywood Bowl for the Big Show. The Bowl is an exceptionally nice venue, and it was an exceptionally nice evening for a show. First up was Paul Oakenshit. Errr, I mean Oakenfuck. Or is it Oakencrap? I forget. The only thing missing from his set was a DJ mixer with an iPhone attached, to make it easier for him to phone it in. To say that this dude is utterly lacking in anything approaching talent is to do a gross disservice to couch potatoes everywhere. He should just stop. Seriously.

Underworld was fantastic, as always. They played most of the Hits, a nice selection of album tracks, and a couple new jams which were quite good. (Although, god only knows if they'll be on the album or not. You never know with them.) No complaints whatsoever, except maybe the light show was a little compact for the venue, and H wasn't as on his game as I've seen in the past. But we had an excellent time.

Then Monday, drive, drive, drive. And here we are. Ratings:

Hyatt Regency Century City: Awesome
Underworld: The Shit
Vienna Cafe on Melrose: Unbeatable

Hilton Financial District, San Francisco: Avoid at all costs
California left-lane drivers: fuckwads
Paul Oakenfold: Same as he ever was, only more so.

1. Crack Kills. There is a truly stunning amount of ass crack just hanging out in this city. It's not hot. Not by a long shot.

2. Mucklucks (or whatever they call those Eskimo boots) and short shorts aren't a good fashion combination. Avoid. Please.

3. Every single stoplight doesn't mean the start of a new drag race. Try to calm down a little with the gas pedal.

4. You're all very silly.

L.A. is the most comical city in America, and I've been in all of them, and would know. We basically drove around, shopped, drove some more, did some more shopping. Tomorrow we're going to the Getty, then to the Big Show.

One thing I'll mention is that I played with an iPhone today at the Apple store. Aside from the fact that they're silly (in much the same way that L.A. residents are silly) there is a significant "gotta have it now" factor which is hard to avoid. The new iPods (the big ones) are quite stupid, though. I mean, it's hard enough to drive the 5th gen ones; why would you want to (a) make that more complicated, and (b) essentially have an iPhone that can't make phone calls. That's just gay.

Interestingly, the Hyatt Regency Century City in Los Angeles (where I'm sitting right now as I type this) is about 10 times nicer, has a very friendly staff, and is a bit cheaper. I'll never understand how hotel rooms are priced, but this one is worth the money, while the one in San Francisco most definitely wasn't.

In any event, here we are in L.A.. It is, as usual, absolutely gorgeous weather here. I wonder if people that live here get bored of the stunning blue skies, mild temperatures, and low humidity. I don't think I would. I was sitting on the balcony of our hotel room, reading the paper and smoking a cigarette (oh, yeah, you can still smoke in hotel rooms here...) and pondering the fact that the weather has been almost exactly this every single time I've ever been to L.A. in my life.

We went out to dinner with 2.75 Beesons last night, and then walked around the Wilshire district (I think that's what it was) noting the fact that everything in L.A. that is even a tiny bit "cool" has a line in front of it. I think the secret here, if you want to _actually_ be "cool" is to get in on the ground floor, sort of a "pre-cool" phase, before the wannabe super models all line up to be part of the action. There was a line at the Hookah bar (really?) and a line at a place that sells 35 cent cookies (seriously?) and other lines, the purpose of which I couldn't discern but seemed to be for something "cool," "trendy," or (gasp, choke) "hip."

Maybe I'm getting old, but in my book, if you have to wait in line for something, that means there are _lots_ of other people waiting in line too, and that, in and of itself, obviates any chance that something might be cool, trendy, or hip. But that's just me. I'll be god damned if I'm gonna wait in line for cookies and a glass of milk. Ain't gonna happen.

In other news, we're leaving for parts southerly in the morning. First stop is San Francisco, where we'll basically be working to avoid Necro Joe at all costs, and find a really good meal or two. Then down to L.A. for the Underworld show, and I'll say right now that if K8 decides to have her baby in the middle of the show, we're staying 'til the end.

I'll of course be posting amusing anecdotes, as always, beginning tomorrow night.

We got a Carlyle recliner, with custom Todd Oldham fabric, and the arms in teak. It took over 2 months to get here, but it arrived this morning, and let me just say that the difference between a quality American-made piece of furniture and the cheap-ass Chinese shit you see at Target and Costco is, well, big.

Granted, this thing was almost a grand, so we could have got 10 chairs at Costco for the same price. (Okay, four.) But boy, howdy... Now, if they only made a modern sofa. All their sofas are fugly as hell, and look like they came right off the set of All In The Family.